To Whom It May Concern (and let's be honest, it doesn't), Please accept this letter as formal notification that I am resigning from my position as [Your Job Title], effective immediately. My time here has been a profound journey of self-discovery, specifically discovering the upper limits of human patience and the structural integrity of office furniture under the weight of my unspoken despair. For my final project, I have decided to reorganize the supply closet based on the existential dread each item inspires me. The paperclips are now filed next to the fax machine, as both are obsolete technologies that represent a slow, agonizing death. The beige folders have been incinerated for their crimes against aesthetics. I would like to thank you for the opportunity to contribute to this fine institution. I will not be returning my security badge, as I have glued it to the ceiling tile above my old desk. Consider it a parting gift, a little puzzle for the maintenance crew to ponder on a slow Tuesday. I wish you and the company the very best in your future endeavors, and I sincerely hope that one day you all discover the beautiful, liberating concept of "closing time." Sincerely, A Ghost in the Machine