I think I have a secret crush, and my brain is handling it the way a toddler handles a glass of juice: with panic and zero coordination. It started innocent. "They seem cool." Then it became, "I wonder what their favorite snack is." Now it's, "I have memorized their laugh. Why. Who authorized this." The worst part is how I act around them. They say, "Hey." I say, "Hello yes, I am a human who participates in society." Smooth. I try to be normal, but my brain runs three separate programs at once: Be funny. Be mysterious. Do not reveal you have emotions like a raccoon caught in daylight. So I end up saying things like, "Wow. Time sure is... happening." If they take a while to reply, I convince myself they hate me, have told their friends, and are currently writing a warning label about me. If they reply fast, I immediately plan a future where we share fries and argue about the best movie endings. I also do this embarrassing thing where I pretend I do not care, which makes me act like I care even more. Like I'll be calm on the outside, but inside I'm going, "Do not stare. Do not trip. Do not propose." And honestly? I do not even need them to like me back. I just like that they exist. They make my day lighter without trying, and that's rare. But if one day they looked at me like I was their favorite person in the room? I would simply pass away, respectfully. Anyway. Secret crush: 10/10 butterflies. 2/10 ability to speak in complete sentences.